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God I haven’t written a blogpost in so long, I nearly forget how to do it. And because I know a thing or two about SEO and the scary world of search engines, it’s going to be hard not doing all the technical things 🙂

Honestly, I just fancied writing my thoughts down, they might not even make sense, so apologies if I just ramble. The last year, for me has been an absolutely whirlwind of emotions. I lost my blogging mojo. I blogged cos I love it, I love beauty. But after doing it for nearly six years, I also loved the thrill of knowing people were actually reading it. Clicking on my posts, taking my words into consideration, looking at my photos.

I’m a small fish in all of this, and when the blogging business started to evolve and change, less and less people were tuning it. So, I just haven’t been active here. The drive disappeared. I’m still plugging away on social media. My favourite is Instagram, specifically stories nowadays. But, I’ve even pulled away from that a bit, it’s not the same, and it can be hard for some of the old school online content creators to be seen and taken seriously.

I’m 34, kinda common, kinda chubby and I curse a lot, I’m sure brands don’t have boxes to tick for any of those qualities. And that’s ok, I don’t need validation, I know I’m a ok, I’m grand and that’s enough 🙂

life thoughts

It’s not something I talk about a whole lot, but I struggle with my own thoughts. They hold me back, they make me fearful of a lot of things. I use humour on the outside to handle it. When I’m alone or with John it’s a different story. Life is a muddle. The last year of my life has been a lot of crying, fearing death, fearing life without my mother.

Trying to be strong for her, failing miserably because she’s stronger than all of us. Talking about funeral arrangements, worrying about the pain she might be feeling and will feel, and feeling guilty for thinking about life after she’s gone, what we’ll do, where we’ll live. It’s crazy because I’ve had some of the best moments in my life happen within this time too. Through my mam’s second battle with cancer, I’ve learned to let go a little more, be a bit more spontaneous. We’ve made some great memories together. I’ve made amazing memories with John and my friends. John’s business is booming, I couldn’t be prouder of him. There’s goodness within the haze of sadness.irish beauty blog

This was going to be a life update. I thought I would start writing and come to some profound conclusion, something that might help me, or anyone who reads this. I can’t really, the world is a fairly scary place right now. But day to day, for each of us, it can be ok, every day we get through is a job well done. I often feel like I should have accomplished so much by now. I was decent in school, I’m semi creative. But who’s to say that’s the path for me? Maybe my path, or your path is just learning to like yourself more. To actually live in life more, rather than be afraid of it.

Have I fixed myself? Not in the slightest, but progression is key, no matter how small it is. And I’ve definitely done that. So those are my life thoughts 🙂

xxx

 

 

a personal note to myselfA personal note to myself….I am writing this, just home from a lovely holiday. With lovely people, in a lovely place. I don’t talk too candidly about my life, my feelings and emotions for fear of being judged. I am afraid of people’s judgement. I fear people thinking badly of me. But I also fear my own thoughts sometimes.

irish beauty blogger

I am not where I want to be in life. If you had of asked me ten years ago what I envisioned for the future, it would have been a nice house, kids, and a decent job. Myself and John had just moved into our own place and were thoroughly enjoying ‘playing house’. Not too long after, the recession hit and we were forced to move home. Even writing those words gives me a lump in my throat. But, we tried to be positive and figured we’d be back on our feet before the year was out. Fast forward to ten years later, sitting typing this in my parents back room at 33 years old!beauty blogger ireland

This is not the life I pictured. But, some times you just can’t imagine what life is going to throw at you. Family break ups, deaths and in my case Cancer, which my lovely mammy is currently battling for the second time in her life. This time it’s so much worse. She is literally the strongest person I know! And if I wasn’t still in her back room writing this, I wouldn’t be able to go to hospital appointments with her, be around when she needs me….and even when she doesn’t, just in case 🙂beauty blog ireland

 

I get down a lot, I’m naturally a pretty pessimistic person, I worry. But I choose not to show it much. My family sees it, John bears the brunt of it. For me Beautynook is an escape. Somewhere for me to get lost in the things that sometimes just keep me going. Completely unnecessary things like lipstick and eyeshadow. But some days, these are the things that keep me going. irish beauty blog

I don’t have a bad life in the grand scheme of things. I have somewhere to live, food, clothes and nice things to boot. I also have literally the best partner in the world. (Don’t tell him I said that). I have great friends. I write about something that I love. And in return, I get to do nice things, sometimes get sent lovely things and get to communicate with with some lovely people. It’s just not typically a life people would be proud of.top irish beauty blogger

Honestly I have no idea why I started writing this. I guess I just wanted to put it out there that everyone struggles. And we all handle it differently. Some of us get stronger in strife, some of us weaker. It doesn’t make us bad people, it just makes us people. Without some of the bad things in life, the good things wouldn’t happen. If we had of stayed in our nine to five job, John wouldn’t be excelling with his own business, I probably would have never taking up blogging and I wouldn’t have some of the brilliant people in my life that I do now. Maybe it’s all for a reason. Maybe it will all make sense one day.lifestyle blog

I am my hardest critic, it stops me from taking chances. It stops me from believing in myself. Which in turn, stops me from advancing. I haven’t always made the best decisions in life and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking what if?

Maybe saying it out loud like this might help me to take a chance now and again. And maybe it might help you too. Sure if we feel rock bottom, what have we got to lose?

top irish beauty blog

Shoutout to all the awesome people who say nice things to me and about me on Instagram, Facebook anywhere really. As shallow as it sounds, your words have helped me so much. My little corner of the internet is an ok place and I have you who take the time to check in with it to thank for it 🙂

This is a personal note to myself and I guess to you and all the lovely people in my life too.

Thank you for everything you do for me.

Gemma

xxx