God I haven’t written a blogpost in so long, I nearly forget how to do it. And because I know a thing or two about SEO and the scary world of search engines, it’s going to be hard not doing all the technical things 🙂
Honestly, I just fancied writing my thoughts down, they might not even make sense, so apologies if I just ramble. The last year, for me has been an absolutely whirlwind of emotions. I lost my blogging mojo. I blogged cos I love it, I love beauty. But after doing it for nearly six years, I also loved the thrill of knowing people were actually reading it. Clicking on my posts, taking my words into consideration, looking at my photos.
I’m a small fish in all of this, and when the blogging business started to evolve and change, less and less people were tuning it. So, I just haven’t been active here. The drive disappeared. I’m still plugging away on social media. My favourite is Instagram, specifically stories nowadays. But, I’ve even pulled away from that a bit, it’s not the same, and it can be hard for some of the old school online content creators to be seen and taken seriously.
I’m 34, kinda common, kinda chubby and I curse a lot, I’m sure brands don’t have boxes to tick for any of those qualities. And that’s ok, I don’t need validation, I know I’m a ok, I’m grand and that’s enough 🙂
It’s not something I talk about a whole lot, but I struggle with my own thoughts. They hold me back, they make me fearful of a lot of things. I use humour on the outside to handle it. When I’m alone or with John it’s a different story. Life is a muddle. The last year of my life has been a lot of crying, fearing death, fearing life without my mother.
Trying to be strong for her, failing miserably because she’s stronger than all of us. Talking about funeral arrangements, worrying about the pain she might be feeling and will feel, and feeling guilty for thinking about life after she’s gone, what we’ll do, where we’ll live. It’s crazy because I’ve had some of the best moments in my life happen within this time too. Through my mam’s second battle with cancer, I’ve learned to let go a little more, be a bit more spontaneous. We’ve made some great memories together. I’ve made amazing memories with John and my friends. John’s business is booming, I couldn’t be prouder of him. There’s goodness within the haze of sadness.
This was going to be a life update. I thought I would start writing and come to some profound conclusion, something that might help me, or anyone who reads this. I can’t really, the world is a fairly scary place right now. But day to day, for each of us, it can be ok, every day we get through is a job well done. I often feel like I should have accomplished so much by now. I was decent in school, I’m semi creative. But who’s to say that’s the path for me? Maybe my path, or your path is just learning to like yourself more. To actually live in life more, rather than be afraid of it.
Have I fixed myself? Not in the slightest, but progression is key, no matter how small it is. And I’ve definitely done that. So those are my life thoughts 🙂